About Time

Okay, you may all think I'm really a slacker, but I finally feel like I have a moment to breathe! We had lots of visitors during the whole month of November. Followed up with lots of sickness. So now, I'm finding time to actually post.

I wanted to do the month-long challenge at the corresponding time, but evidently, that wasn't in the Lord's plans. I have been harboring feelings of guilt about this lately (among other things as well) and I've been coming down with a bout of depression.

Tonight, when I thought all was lost (in terms of hours in the day to achieve something worthwhile), I decided to work on yet one more task at hand. Our cub scout den is trying to make plans to go to a location to receive a tour for one of their required achievements. I thought, I'll just call this place tomorrow. "Naw," the prompting said, "do it now. It's after hours, but maybe you can get an idea of what hours they operate." "Alright," says I, "my self-view can't fall much lower tonight..."

So I call...

And the voicemail is hilarious!  I recited it to my husband and we BOTH had a laugh.

What a relief to know that someone else knows what I'm going through, and after having this experience, my spirits were elevated! I could go back and be a better mom and wife to my family tonight.

I know, SayGoBeDo's aren't necessarily supposed to be about us. And maybe mine wasn't. After all, this uplifted soul helped those around me more tonight.

asking for help

The prompting today was to ask my husband for help. I was feeling myself losing emotional control, and so instead of playing the martyr or sacrificing the children to my emotions, I called him up and asked him to come home from the service he was doing. It turned out to be good timing for him to do that, and he was kind enough to take the kids swimming so I could get a nap.

Thanksgiving service

We acted on a prompting to get the family involved in a Thanksgiving service project. We helped to glean turnips for local food banks. There was lots of complaining beforehand and.my husband acted on his saygobedo to share some scriptures with the kids and discuss why we serve. They are gleaning again this Saturday in Riner if anyone is interested. I'm interested in going back because it was fun and good but my kids are saying they did their time. Lame.

an inspiring book

I finished a book last night that was very inspiring to me. So much that it led me to take some action and send some money - I don't do that after every book I read. In case you need a good pick-me-up it's called Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors.

I went over and visited with my elderly neighbors after feeling for several days that I should. We used to visit a couple of times a week, but it's been a few weeks, and it was good to get back over there. Knee surgery means they might not make it across town for Thanksgiving with family, so I'm keeping them in mind as I plan our very low-key Thanksgiving this year.

My "No" week

My Say Go Be Do this last Friday was to take this week off and focusing on my family.  So I took some time to think about what I needed to change in my schedule for the week and how I wanted to spend time with my family.
So, this week is going to be filled with some good old fashioned family time playing, working, talking and learning.
It will be my "No" week.  I give myself permission to say "no" to anything other than the needs of my family and home. 

Self care and Guilt

Today I followed the feeling that I should look up something called Golden milk to help treat the illness I am fighting. Someone had told me about it recently and it kept returning to my memory. So I looked it up, made some and it seems to be helping tremendously. I also made more of an effort than I have possibly in years to actually take it slow while I'm sick. Okay I still did stuff today but I did it much slower and listened to the low energy levels my body was telling me I had.

Recently I've been apprehensive about seeing someone in my family who became offended at a comment I made a year-and-a-half ago to her. When I found out months later that she was upset about it I made efforts to apologize but I never felt completely forgiven. I remembered that I had a saygobedo about a year ago to send flowers to her but I never followed it. I was feeling again like maybe I should go ahead and follow that now to try to ease tension before our family gets together for Thanksgiving. But before I ordered flowers I followed another Saygobedo to talk to my husband about it. While I had been thinking that flowers surely would be well received, my husband wisely pointed out that they could just bring up the old feelings again and be counter-productive. That caused me to remember something my mentor said to me about the same issue which was that most likely we would just have to pretend like it never happened and try to move on with good feelings , or at least cordial ones. After following my saygobedo to talk to my husband I decided not to send flowers and was glad that I talked to him. I no longer felt like I should send the flowers. Granted, I still wish I had sent them the first time I felt prompted. But I think the feeling that I should send them now was coming more from a feeling of guilt that I didn't send them the first time I felt prompted to and I just wanted to get rid of my guilt.

Nature Trip

I am watching my brother's two children for the weekend. When we finished mentor sessions and I saw the mess that was created while I was busy, the prompting was to leave it and just go outside. And although it took a while for 7 kids to get coats and shoes on, we enjoyed the trip to the pond in our neighborhood. It heals me every time. So many inspiring things in nature, and we do something new every time. This time the feature was floating downey goose feather boats and then trying to sink them with ground cherry chinese lanterns.

Also the prompting this morning was to not go running and instead brainstorm about how I could help fill kids' and husbands' needs. And that was helpful and it was nice and quiet to do that.

Foggy Brain

Today I am under the weather with a cold/cough. But not so under the weather that I couldn't push myself to clean. My vision for the day in the morning included restful activities and bonding with my kids. But the house was a wreck. I held our mentor sessions/school time, and lunch but instead of keeping the late afternoon restful I doggedly pushed through chores / clean up until dinner time. Before chores, I felt a repeated desire to go outside and enjoy the best part of the day while the sunshine is on our yard, but I kept saying - I will go out and rest in the sun after just a few more chores...until the sun was nearly gone from our yard. I went out finally but we got cold quickly and came back in. bummer. Then I felt I should lay down and rest and heat up simple leftovers for dinner.....but I cooked hamburger to go with our bean dip instead. Finally, I laid down for 10 minutes, which were peppered with giving kids instructions to clean up more. Then I felt I should put on uplifting music, and yay I actually followed that saygobedo right away. Sigh. This is hard. It's like I'm more inclined to just push through the plan / routine rather than have to step back and rethink my plans (much less listen for saygobedos). Like letting the house be dirty when you're sick... that's totally okay.

More blessings

This evening I was responsible for a portion of the cleaning of my church building. I had been coming down with a cough all week long and brought some cough drops with me in my pocket. There was an activity going on that I was supposed to attend and then I had planned to clean after but during the activity I felt that others didn't want my germs anyway so I probably should just go ahead and get my cleaning done so I could go home and rest. I followed that feeling and went ahead to finish up the last of the bathroom cleaning. While I was in there I heard another sister in our church come into the bathroom and begin to cough. She recently was diagnosed with the specific condition that causes her to have coughing fits quite often. She continued to cough. I was in one of the Stalls cleaning the bathroom. Repeatedly the thought came to me you should go and offer her one of the cough drops in your pocket. I tried to talk myself out of it saying then I'll have to wash my gloves and she probably won't want to have my germs anyway. But then I realized what I was doing and went to check on her. As it turned out cough drops do not help her at all so she did not accept my offer. But as her coughing slowed she gave me one of the best compliments I've received on my daughter's talk from Sunday. Last Sunday was my daughter's first talk in church and that was a big deal for her. She told me that my daughter's talk was very good. She said she was one of the best youth speakers that she had heard in quite a while. She said she was really touched by it and remarked how the two speakers after her kept referring back to my daughter's talk. I was able to come home and give my daughter that compliment and boost her confidence. So once again following a saygobedo led to blessings for me.

Having warred a good warfare

Wednesday, Nov.8

My teens and I have been watching civil war movies for their Sword of Truth class.  I cannot believe how much I have enjoyed watching these depictions of war in God's and Generals and Gettysburg.  It has been so very inspiring to see these men sacrificing over and over and over again for the things they believe in.  I find it such a beautiful symbol of faith and honor.  I have more respect for military service than ever before.  And just in time for veterans day:)  We took the opportunity to research one of the kids' ancestors (through Dad, as there has been very little military service in my line) who served in the civil war.  That made it so real and special.

There are some things I have really been struggling with, having prayed and prayed for help but still not knowing what to do and fearing lately maybe things aren't meant to change.  Tuesday night I had prayed for guidance on the matter.  This morning I didn't have much time to read my scriptures before I had to go to work.  I read one verse. In it I saw something I have never seen before, despite having read it many many times. 

King Mosiah, (whom I mentioned in yesterday's post) died.  His reign had been peaceful.  He had not been involved in war.  But the verse read, "king Mosiah having gone the way of all the earth, having warred a good warfare...". I immediately thought of the movies we had been watching and the inspiring commitment to fight to the death for what they believed in and I knew that was my answer.  Don't give up.  Fight for the things you hope for.  And so my resolve is strengthened to work toward my vision of how my life can be.  I remembered and acted on it several times today. 

I am also seeing big changes in a certain child who has been struggling for years.  I really believe it is in large part because of the song we have been singing each morning in conjunction with Saygobedo efforts made to spend more time together throughout the day and less time working individually.

Miracles coming.  Saygobedo.

More music

Monday Nov. 6

Monday morning I was up early showering and a hymn "As Zion's youth in Latter Days" came into my head from nowhere.  I knew right then that I needed to sing it with my children.  I took the opportunity that morning after prayer.  I was surprised that there was no complaining and everyone participated.  I told them that we would be doing it each morning until we had it memorized.  I heard them singing it off and on throughout the day and everyone seemed to be in better spirits than has been our average lately.  I was very encouraged and glad I followed through.

Voting day

Tuesday, Nov.7

I have picked up a part time job teaching English online to Chinese kids in the early morning.  It has been a blessing in so many ways.  I recently made a commitment to wake up even earlier to study scripture at the beginning of my day.

This morning I was reading a chapter in the Book of Mormon about a king, Mosiah, who was close to death and wanting his people to govern themselves instead of relying on a king who may or may not lead them in righteousness. I read
"they assembled themselves together in bodies throughout the land, to cast in their voices concerning who should be their judges, to judge them according to the law which had been given them; and they were exceedingly rejoiced because of the liberty which had been granted unto them."

I had not planned on voting this year.  We are only a few months new in the area and though I had registered I hadn't taken the time to learn about the candidates.  I knew upon reading this today of all days, that it was important that I take the time to vote today.  So, even though I ended up spending hours with Tyler creating a perler bead Mario and wasn't sure if I could fit it in between various commitments, I followed through with the impression and did some research and voted.  Nothing miraculous to report.  I just felt good about having followed through and also about having done my Civic duty.

Before doing the Saygobedo challenge I had been very much struggling with following through on commitments made to myself to the point that I really had very little faith in my ability to accomplish anything that was important to me.  I can feel my self-commitment muscles growing and I am so thankful.

I'll go where you want me to go... Complete

Sunday Nov. 4

Sunday I was very nervous for my teacher training and lesson but everything went so well and felt so right.  I felt like I was reaping the blessings of following through on my impressions and sticking with it.

Many people were visibly touched by the song, probably more so than the lesson.  One sister, a missionary currently serving a full time mission at our church, said this song was the reason she had chosen to leave her home for 2 years and serve the Lord.  She had recently been struggling and this song reminded her of her reason for serving and encouraged her to press on. 

The original impression to sing the song had not come from me and it was not for the occasion or purpose that either of us imagined but in the end it blessed many people and provided just what they needed at that time.  It was also a great blessing to me.  It reminded me of my purpose, to serve God wherever I am needed and softened my heart more than anything else could.  It provided a miraculous breakthrough in my life.  I'm so thankful for my friend for following her Saygobedo weeks ago.

I'll go where you want me to go... Continues

Saturday Nov. 3

Saturday was a tough day.  I had accidentally scheduled myself to work in the morning from 6:30-9:30 and didn't get my much needed Saturday morning late wake-up.  I had worked all day Friday on the computer and for some reason my ankles were very swollen from all the sitting.  So swollen it hurt to walk.  I spent the day with my feet up.  I had a lot of last minute preparations for the lesson I would be teaching Sunday as well as a teacher training I would be leading just before.  I was very overwhelmed and stress was high at home for a number of reasons. 

At the end of the day I had to make a trip to practice the song with my accompanist.  I cried from discouragement and overwhelm the whole way there.  When I got there I cried some more while she listened.  I finally felt better and we practiced the song.

This day was really about following through on my saygobedo however difficult and uncomfortable.

I'll go where you want me to go

Thursday 11.2

A couple of weeks ago, a friend called saying she felt inspired that we should prepare the song "I'll go where you want me to go" in church that week.  I was excited at the idea because my brother arranged a beautiful version that I have sung before and would love to sing again.  Soon after, she found out that there were already musical numbers prepared for the meeting so we would not be able to do it.  We both wondered the purpose of her impression.  But the song stayed with me.  I spent a few days looking for my recording of the song and had it running through my mind off and on. 

Wednesday I opened the book, Saygobedo, which I needed to have read for class the following day.  At the beginning of the book I was surprised to see the lyrics to that very song.  I thought it was an interesting coincidence but didn't think too much of it. 

The book was good.  It wasn't a new concept to me but I appreciated many of the different perspectives pertaining to it.  But it didn't get to my heart like I would have liked.  I have been carrying a lot of stress, worry and fear that kept me from trusting that I could receive impressions and follow them.  And so I wasn't yet open to listening.

During our class discussion of the book I committed to taking the 30 day challenge even though I didn't feel up to it. I realized I wouldn't get another opportunity to do this with built in peer pressure and that was probably the only thing motivating me at this point anyway.  I wanted to be up to the challenge and I hoped for things to turn around for me. 

Right after I got home Thursday I had my first impression.  I would be teaching a women's class at church and the song would be perfect for my lesson.  I called my accompanist friend right away to see if she could swing it.  She agreed. 

Monday Nov 6 Tiffany

This morning I was feeling overwhelmed with the huge task list for the week. One of the first thoughts that came to me as I woke and began to consider this was about a lesson on Self-Reliance I'd heard at my church. We were encouraged to 1 - Make a list of tasks to do that day. 2 - Pray. 3 - Prioritize them by placing a number beside each one. 4 - report at the end of the day through prayer. At least, that's what I remembered about it. Later, I remembered that one of the steps is to consider who to serve and add any additional promptings to your list. Anyway, I was tempted to just start doing with minimal prayer first thing in the morning, but I followed the saygobedo to follow that specific pattern. I listed about 15 things. I prioritized 1 through 10 and quickly recognized that the unnumbered items could wait until tomorrow if need be. I made every effort to do the items in the order I'd placed them. Some things had to be switched according to the flow of the day, but it was like I was building momentum throughout the day, feeling so good about having gotten the most important things done that my worry about not having time to complete the entire list diminished to almost nothing. I am in awe right now as I am doing number 12 on the list! (6a got skipped and number 8 was partially moved to tomorrow, but no biggie. Especially because I'd gotten 1-5 done. I even got several more things done than what was on the list and had very high quality experiences with my children in home school. At one point, I was prompted to stop working on the computer and go look at my priority list instead of getting distracted by the multiple tabs open in my browser. I was driving to Walmart around 4:00 thinking, "Wow! I can't believe I am having time to go to Walmart right now!"

Another saygobedo that will remain on my to do list, which I had today included: Ask my mom to write about how when she became a mother, she determined to raise her children to have a better life experience than her own.

I'll start us off with a short and simple account of my time at a soccer banquet this evening. I went through the refreshment line and invited an older Asian lady to cut in front of me so she could be with the children she seemed to be responsible for. When I sat at a table, I discovered this same woman was seated at my table as well. She seemed to be not enjoying herself, but somewhat put out. I asked if she was all right and she admitted to having a headache. She said she usually stays home all the time and does not get out very much. I asked if I could get her some food and she accepted my offer. I got her a plate of food and she thanked me. Again, later during our time at the banquet, she thanked me and reached over to take my hand. She told me I was very nice. She seemed to perk up a little after that. I felt good. At the end of the soccer awards presentation, after the last coach finished, we were all sitting around to see if there was anything else. Was that all? everyone seemed to be wondering. I thought to myself, "Is anyone going to thank the coaches?" This only being my second soccer banquet ever, I felt unfamiliar with the traditions. Earlier, another mom who had gotten gift cards for the 6 to 8 year old's coaches made a comment that it seemed like sometimes each team just did their own thing, and I noticed some of the players piling a small pile of cards for the coach when they went up. I thought, "No one's going to do anything. I should call for a round of applause to thank the coaches." I hesitated for too long and one of the coaches said, "That's all, everyone, thank you for coming" and everyone started to get up. I was sort of sad and thought that was sort of lame that they didn't thank the coaches properly. I was glad that my son's coach happened to be standing close by and as I stood I thanked him sincerely and complimented him on his way with the children, which I'd always been grateful for. We chatted for a moment and I felt better. I still wish I would have called for the round of applause. A small thing.